come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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