I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
