Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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