i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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