I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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