We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
