If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
