Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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