I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
