Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
