I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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