Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
