Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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