Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
