tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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