I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
