I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
