Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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