At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everclear isn't food dammit
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
