he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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