Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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