Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
