Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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