she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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