Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
