I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
