I heard we made out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
