I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
