Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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