Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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