he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
