a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
