Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
