FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am naked and annoyed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
