1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
