She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
