I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize