I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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