R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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