Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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