Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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