when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize