I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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