Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
