Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
