Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
