i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize