I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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