he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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