woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
