I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
