I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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