i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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