Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
