new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
