You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
