She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
