my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
