I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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