Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
