2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
