I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
